What if I don’t want to be near my ex – could mediation still work for me?

What if I don’t want to be near my ex? Could mediation still work for me?

Your first contact with a mediator, gives you the opportunity to tell the mediator about these issues.  Mediators carry out full domestic abuse screening and assess if mediation is a suitable for you and your ex-partner to work through issues. The mediator will also speak to you about whether you are comfortable being in the same room as your ex-partner and you feel able to speak openly. The mediator will ask you if you would like to attend a joint session with your ex-partner and discuss the options available as to how it can be conducted.

What are the options if I do not want to be near my ex?

Mediation is a voluntary process, and the mediator will discuss the different options available to you.

Remote Mediation

This means that, rather than having to sit across a table from your ex-partner, you can sit in the comfort of your own home when in a joint session and be totally separate from each other. It may be that you still don’t want to even see your ex-partner on the computer screen, and this is your choice. The mediator can assign you both in different break-out rooms and move between the rooms, speaking to each of you individually. This would mean that you do not have to have any direct contact with your ex-partner.

Face-to-Face Mediation

If you prefer not to use Zoom/Microsoft Teams, then face-to-face mediation can take place on a shuttle basis, with both parties arriving at the mediator’s offices separately and leaving separately. You will both be seated in different rooms, with the mediator moving between you to ensure you have no direct contact.

On some occasions, mediation starts off on a shuttle basis before the parties come together in a joint session when they feel comfortable doing so.  Parents might have to have some sort of direct contact if handovers are taking place for the children and sometimes seeing each other at mediation, albeit via video call or in a mediation setting, is a good “ice breaker” and can help get communication on a better footing.

If you want to explore whether mediation is the right option for you,. Brian can be contacted on brian@changes.ie

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