My partner is such a good person, but I don’t love her any more. What should I do?

My partner is such a good person, but I don’t love her any more. What should I do?

Relationships are complex and ever-changing, often requiring introspection and difficult decisions. As a psychotherapist, I’ve seen many individuals struggle with the realisation that their feelings towards their partner have shifted, even though their partner remains a good person. If you find yourself in this situation, know that you’re not alone. Here’s a guide to help you navigate this challenging emotional terrain.

Understanding the Shift in Feelings

First, it’s essential to understand that feelings in a relationship can change for various reasons. Emotional shifts are natural and can occur due to personal growth, unmet needs, or external stressors. Acknowledging this change is the first step towards addressing it constructively.


Take time for introspection to understand the roots of your feelings. Ask yourself:

  • When did I first notice a change in my feelings?
  • Are there specific incidents or patterns that contributed to this shift?
  • Am I experiencing stress or changes in other areas of my life that might be affecting my feelings towards my partner?

Journaling your thoughts can help clarify your emotions and provide a clearer picture of your internal landscape.

Communication is Key

Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. This conversation will be difficult, but it’s essential for both your well-being and theirs. Approach the discussion with empathy and kindness, emphasising your respect for them and your shared history.

  • Choose a calm, private setting where you won’t be interrupted.
  • Express your feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel like my feelings have changed, and I’m struggling to understand why.”
  • Be prepared for their reaction. Your partner may feel hurt, confused, or defensive. Allow them space to express their emotions and listen without interruption.

Assess the Relationship

Evaluate the relationship’s overall health. Are there aspects that can be improved with effort and commitment from both sides? Sometimes, a relationship can be revitalised through therapy, mutual efforts, and a renewed focus on shared interests and goals.

  • Consider couples therapy. A neutral third party can help facilitate difficult conversations and provide tools to reconnect.
  • Revisit your shared values and goals. Sometimes, realigning your life goals and working towards common objectives can reignite the emotional bond.

Acceptance and Decision-Making

If, after reflection and communication, you still feel that the love is gone, it might be time to consider ending the relationship. Accepting this reality can be heartbreaking, but it’s important to prioritise your emotional health and future happiness.

  • Understand that ending a relationship with a good person is valid. It’s better to be honest than to stay out of obligation or fear of hurting them.
  • Plan the breakup with care. Ensure it’s done respectfully and thoughtfully, giving both of you time to process and heal.

Moving Forward

Post-breakup, it’s essential to focus on healing and self-care. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and consider individual therapy to help navigate this transition.

  • Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. Reconnect with hobbies, interests, and passions that may have taken a backseat.
  • Reflect on what you’ve learned. Every relationship teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves and our needs. Use this knowledge to grow and make more informed choices in future relationships.


Realising you no longer love your partner, despite their goodness, is a profound and painful realisation. However, addressing it with honesty, compassion, and respect for both yourself and your partner is crucial for both of your well-being. As a psychotherapist, I can affirm that it’s possible to navigate this difficult situation with grace and emerge stronger and more self-aware.

Remember, relationships are about mutual growth and fulfilment. Ensuring both partners’ happiness is essential, even if it means making the hard decision to part ways. Prioritise emotional honesty, seek support when needed, and trust in your ability to find love and happiness again. Discerning clients never allow a barrister or Judge to rob you both of decision making control; Have you considered legally binding mediation to formalise your separation or divorce. See my blog post here:


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